it changed me

i've always felt this way
deep down inside
imagining what could be, what could have been
it changed me.
a different view of life
a different attitude
you never know what you'll find
looking back on yourself.

chain reaction

why did i start the chain reaction?
its all my fault
if only i hadn't said that one thing
that one day
that simple invitation
ruined a friendship
destroyed a personality
how could i start this chain reaction?

some songs

that are going through my head. they may or may not apply to how i've been feeling. (for all you stupid people out there-THIS MEANS THEY APPLY TO HOW I'M FEELING) so what if they're mostly Christmas songs? they're GOOD Christmas songs!


Last Christmas - WHAM / George Michael
All I Want For Christmas Is You - Mariah Carey
Damn Regret - RJA

so yeah. they're all a good listen, check em' out. d:

fight fight fight

what kind of friend are you?
one who hides
one who lies
i can never believe you
can't tell you anything at all
for fear that you'll tell yet again

we try to talk
you don't seem to care
i pour my heart out
and all you do is
change the subject.


one wrong word
and at the tip of the hat
i'm shark bait.
always fighting
never loving
all we can do is
fight fight fight.

it could be the end

the common trait we share
may be the end
will it be the end?
if i told you 
you'd never forgive.
if i followed through,
you'd never forgive me.
i could never hurt you this way
i could never tell you the truth.


if you ever found out
it could be the end
would it be the end?
i don't want it to be the end
like it would.


i could never do this to you
i could never
i could never follow through
i could never
i could never go anywhere
with this trait that we have
because i could never do that to you.
it could be the end
would it be the end?

golden rule

i can't lie to you anymore
i must be completely honest
can't lie to you
though i know you keep things from me
i try to be honest with you
because you should always
do unto others as you would have done unto you.
you don't seem to follow the Golden Rule
like i do.

no longer

i can't talk to you anymore
you don't listen anymore
are we friends anymore?
i try to be a good friend to you.
you're not a good friend to me
you have changed.
you used to be this hilarious girl
not a care in the world.
now you have changed.
you're different
more different than i ever could have imagined.
what's the point anymore
if all you can do
is think about yourself?
can't give a care in the world?
too absorbed in your own life
don't care about mine.
i see no point in the friendship any longer

dear internet

dear internet,
     
       lately, there has been a whole lot going on in my life. more specifically, people being really bitchy. for example, picking on my hat. picking on what i bring to school for lunch. making fun of what i wear. making fun of what i say. etc etc. even more specifically, one person, getting my other "friends" to follow along with her. it sucks. a bunch. all day friday, all i wanted to do was go home and cry...
        on a more positive note, this weekend was pretty fun! saturday night i slept over at Lily's, which was awesome. we went to Target, got our own cart, purchased many yummy things. veerryyy yummy things. :D we watched Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets, that was fun. and yummy. we had awkward conversations, which were AMAZING. we talked a LOT. we stayed up until probably about 2. fun times. (:
      today i went over to Nicola's, and we filmed the making of pancakes with milk and must rolls for our latin project... don't ask. just don't. all i will say on the matter is: Roman's don't know what pancakes are, and have terrible taste buds. end of discussion.
      that will be all.

true friend

we head to target to get our supplies
for an amazing night
without the guys
we don't get into any fight


we get the goldfish
the cheez its
stock up on harry potter
everything we need for 
an amazing sleepover

the awkward conversations
the gut-wrenching laughs
the movie watching
soda drinking
candy eating
all signs of a true best friend.


we can talk about anything
laugh about anything
eat just about anything
no matter how we feel.


we share everything
(even bacon!)
we tell each other everything


this is the sign of a true friend

before

you're not the little girl i knew before.
you're not the sweet innocent girl i knew before.
we can't talk like we did before.
i can't trust you like i did before.
you don't act like you did before.
we aren't as close as we were before.
you don't tell me everything, like you did before.
i don't tell you everything like i did before.
we aren't friends the way we were before.

how long until we aren't friends, but we were before?

what's best for me

confusion.

there's so much going on

in my heart.

there's the one that's always loved me,

then the one i've always loved.

i'm beginning to have feelings for

the one i shouldn't be

forbidden love- yes, it's hard.

am i barking up the wrong tree?

he'll never love me again

i hurt him too much

but there will always be a piece of my heart

dedicated to him.

am i barking up the wrong tree?

we could never commit that wrong

i'm not what i used to be

there's this burn in my heart

for someone who'll love me

but i'll never be the girl

for the one who always will

there's that pain in my heart

i wouldn't want that done to me

but on the other hand

i need what's best for me

who's the one who'll do

everything i want?

who's the one who'll be

everything i've ever dreamed of?

who's the one who'll do

anything for me?

who's the one who'll feel

the same way as me?

which one will create that fire in my heart?

the one of my dreams.

the missing pieces of my heart

i'm sitting here

trying to gather up broken pieces of my heart

though i've searched far and wide

every last crevice

there seem to be pieces missing.

my glue is rather old.

though i'm able to glue the pieces together

there are many crevices

and it looks rather mishappen.

the missing pieces of my heart

cause the glue to leak through, 

covering up some of the better bits.

the select few pieces of my heart

that aren't damaged

have always been there

but now that they are covered up

the future seems rather bleak

with nothing else to fill it up

my life is rather weak

and now that there's no going back

no retrieving those pieces of my heart

it will always be mishappen

something glue could never fix.

mistletoe

sitting by the mantel

underneath that mistletoe

the fire is blazing warmly

but i still feel rather cold

i need you here to warm me up

because sweaters just won't due.

my life had been a whirlwind of misconceptions ever since i left you.

i need to be in your arms

i'm feeling rather cold.

i want you to kiss me underneath the mistletoe

only stopping when i can't breathe no more.

i want that fire in my heart.

i need you next to me.

though the fire is blazing warmly,

i just can't seem to breathe.